Don't Forget
by But I Have Promises To Keep
Summary: "Please" I hear her whisper "Please remember". But that's the one thing I can't seem to do. Remember. Spin-off of my story 'Loving Natara Williams'
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! So I know I haven't really written any fluff lately, so I figured I would start this. This is a spin-off of my other story _Loving Natara Williams, _but this will have a completly different storyline. The only similarity is that Mal (last time it was Natara) is shot in the head; and can't remember anything. Please review and let me know what you think?**

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The first thing I'm aware of as I drift out of sleep is a dull pain in the back of my head; closer to the right I think. The next is the warmth of blankets over me; and I'm subtly aware that my mind is telling me it's time to wake up. I try to crawl back in my own mind and drift into sleep again; and I almost manage to before loud crash startles me. My eyes snap open, and I try and sit up before I realize my body seems too heavy to do so. At least, that's what my mind is saying. Every part of me aches; a dull pain that seems to start in my very bones. My heart pounds in fear; but not from the crash. As I look around I can see the somewhat blurred features of the room; green walls and beige carpet. A small chair is to my left, but that's all I can see, because my head is angled that way and I can't seem to will myself to move it. In the corner of my eye I can see movement; someone crouching to the floor. I don't move, both from fear and lack of ability, and hope that the figure will go away. But they don't, they get up and come to me; holing what looks like a broken pictureframe in their hand.

"Oh good, you're awake". A female voice says. Her voice is echoey and distant; her face a blur. I blink several times, trying to get my eyes to focus, and manage to do so after a few tries.

She's quite pretty; beautiful really. Her skin is a pleasant olive tone, her eyes almond-shaped and colored a nice hazel color. Her long hair is the color of coffee; and it hangs around her face like a gossamer curtain. She smiles at me; and despite myself I feel obligated to smile also. But I can't; it's like I've forgotten how.

"Mal? You still with me?". Mal. What a strange name; surely it's not my own…is it? She was looking at me when she said it, so it must be. But I think I would remember having a name like that. Or rather, I _should_ remember having a name like that. Or even any name; but I don't. I probably wouldn't even recognize myself in a mirror.

"Mal?" she says again; her smile faltering. She places the broken picture frame on the table by the bed I'm lying in, sitting in the chair I was staring at only moments ago.

"It's okay" she says reassuringly. Strangely enough; I believe her. I don't even know her, but something about her tells me she can be trusted. "It's me; Natara. I know you don't remember; but try to next time. Alright? Try it, for me, okay?".

Yes, I will. I will try; for her. I really will. But what does she mean by 'Next time'?

"It'll be alright, don't be scared" she says reassuringly.

Scared? Why would I scared? I want to ask her, or rather say anything to her, but it's like my mouth has forgotten how to form words. My tongue is like a slab of meat in my mouth, and I know I must look stupid, lying here as I gape at her like an idiot.

"It'll be alright" she says one more time. Darkness makes it's way into my vision. Is it my imagination; or does she sound disbelieving this time? I can see now she looks rather tired, there are bags under her eyes. I open my mouth to try and speak again, hoping this time I can actually find words, but before I can even make a sound the darkness swallows me; and suddenly I feel like the woman has left.

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**Please let me know what you think so far?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much to _Missmaltara1051, Cool22hd, Oryt, mozzi-girl, Artist For Love_ and _MusicalMajesty_ for the reviews! **

**Sorry there isn't a lot of fluff in this chapter; I'll try and have more in my next update!**

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When I open my eyes again; I'm alone. The room hasn't changed; there's still those same green walls and beige carpet. But there's a difference this time. The room is dark; it must be very late. Also, this time I find I can move. I hear a wooden door open and close nearby, and out of pure curiosity I pick myself up and leave the room to follow it.

I find myself in a small and well-furnished living room. There's a large window that dominates the room; but it's covered up by a heavy curtain. The ends are perfectly tucked into the wall; like the woman from yesterday doesn't want anyone to know I'm here. What was her name? Natalie? Something like that; I think.

I look around for a moment I until I see a small wooden screen door; behind which the same woman stands. She's on a small balcony; which is so tiny only maybe three people could squeeze on it. Her back is to me, and she leans forward on the railing, her head bowed. I want to go to her, to demand answers, but something keeps me rooted to the spot. But after a few minutes I go out, trying as hard as I can to not make any noise as I step outside. But I accidentally let the door slam behind me, and she jumps before looking back at me.

"I'm sorry" I say, looking down at the way her hands are folded "Were you…praying?".

She shakes her head, the ghost of a smile appearing on her lips. "No, just…thinking".

I can see something behind her resting on a small wicker table; a newspaper. It's opened to a page I presume she was reading, and I start to reach over and grab it. After all, maybe it has something important in it. Who knows? Maybe something I read will set something off and I'll remember something.

But before I can reach it the woman grabs my arm, shaking her head. "Mal…just don't".

Mal; that name again. That name that means absolutely nothing to me. "Why not?" I challenge.

"It's just…I'd rather expain it to you myself".

"So start explaining".

She shakes her head "It's late…maybe in the morning". She fakes a yawn, and nods for me to go back inside. I do as I'm told, since it is rather cold outside, but as soon as I'm inside I turn to her again.

"Just tell me now".

"No, later".

She fixes me a glare; and I think I'm doing it right back. I know what she's doing; she wants me to forget about this conversation. But it's hard to forget anything when your earliest memories are of the night before. Eventually she sighs, then crosses the room and sits on a pristine salmon-colored couch. She nods for me to come over, and I sit across from her on a chair.

"Your name is Mal Fallon" she says softly. "You were a detective for the San Fransisco police department. I was your partner. About three weeks ago; you were shot. I…I though you were dead". She shakes her head, like she can't even believe the story that she's telling.

"You were taken to the hospital. They were able to keep you alive, and you would be able to at least function like a normal person…but they said you'll never get your memories back".

That last sentence is like a weight on my chest, hanging over me like a death sentence. I'll never know who I am, or where I really came from. I'll never really be this Mal person again.

She shakes her head again, her long hair shifting slightly as she does so. "But that's not the worst of it. Everyone down at the precinct…they think I shot you" she takes a breath, and before I can even react she says very quickly "But I didn't! I swear! You're my best friend, Mal, I would never do it!".

"Don't they have some way to prove it?" I ask "Ballistics or…something?". I don't even know where those words came from; I don't even know how I know them. How is it that I can remember what ballistics are; but I can't even remember this woman's name?

"They took my gun, I dropped it. They shot you and took it with them; leaving me the one to blame. When I heard you weren't going to get your memories back…I knew no one would be able to prove I didn't do it. After all, I was covered in your blood. All they know is the bullet came from my gun".

"So you escaped" I offer. She nods. "But why did you take me? And how have you been keeping me alive and knocked out for so long?". Sudden panic hits me. What if this isn't the second day I've woken up? What if there were other days; but I can't remember them?

"You were still in danger. That man would eventually find out you survived and would come after you. No one would listen to me about him; since I was practically considered a murderer. Even if they put up guards at the hospital it wouldn't have worked; this man was smart. We didn't think so that morning when we went to arrest him….but we played right into his hands. You're supposed to be dead, since I supposedly kidnapped you to finish the job. Everyone just thought I snapped…since we were arguing that day…" her voice suddenly seems to carry weight; like she's on the verge of tears. But I don't know what to do; should I comfort her? Or will she just push me away?

Luckily, before I have too long to concider the descision, she composes herself. "I was able to get in contact with my father. You were stable at the hospital when I took you, and because of him I was able to keep it that way. It wasn't easy, getting you out of there and contacting him. But he agreed to help right away. He said he owed you one anyways…but he wouldn't tell me why". She smiles slightly again, looking at me "And I guess I'll never know now".

"So pretty much I'm supposed to be dead; but I'm actually on the run with my supposed murderer?". She nods. "That's just…fantastic" I say sarcastically.

To my surprise, this seems to catch her attention, and her eyes widen as her face splits into a huge smile. "Well, at least I know I didn't lose Mal when that gun went off".

It takes me a moment to figure out what she's saying, and when I do I can't help but imitate her smile. I may not have my memories…but at least I know one thing about the person I supposedly was. He was sarcastic; probably made this woman laugh a lot. "So what do we do now?" I ask. She fixes me with a questioning look. "I mean, where do we go from here? Do I turn myself in; prove you're not a murderer?".

She shakes her head "Honestly? You could. But there's a good chance that man will come after you, and you're still recovering from the bullet". Her eyes fly to the spot just the the right of the back of my head, and I instinctually reach my hand up to the spot that still throbs with a dull pain. My hand meets nothing but a small fabric bandage. The hair around it is longer than the rest, pushed back so it hides that one spot; which is barely the side of my fist. My guess is that this is her doing, since going outside with a very obvious head wound would draw unnessisary attention. "Besides, no one would see you as a reliable witness. If you would go back…".

She drifts off, but she doesn't have to elaborate. If I went back I might be okay; but I would be leaving her all alone. Plus, if she were to be caught, there's really no telling what would happen to her. I can't do that to her. I may not remember anything about her…but I know I must have cared about her once. If I didn't, why would she do this for me?

"So pretty much, everything depends on me getting my memories back" I ask. She nods again. "And if I never do?".

Her eyes drop to the floor, and she won't meet my gaze. "I don't really know. But all that matters right now is that we're both alive".

I can tell that this isn't all that matters; not by a long shot. Not only did I pretty much screw up my own life, but her's as well. Even if, by some miracle, we could both go back; it wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't remember anyone, and people would always remember she was framed for my murder.

I glance over at her again, but she still won't look at me. But I can see something on her left hand, the faint tan line on her ring finger that shows she had worn a ring there.

"You were married?" I ask, a sinking feeling of guilt starting for from. What else did I take away from this woman, simply because she's supposed to be a murderer?

"I was engaged".

"But not anymore?".

She manages a rather shaky smile, and looks up at me as she says "I'm on the run for your murder; do you really think I have time to be picking bridesmaids?". She looks down at the floor again. "Besides, I haven't been in contact with him since you got shot. He probably thinks I'm a killer too".

"I'm sorry" I say quietly. What else have I taken from her? Probably her whole life. Her whole future. Most likely the only person who believes her is her own father; the man I have to thank for keeping me alive.

"Don't say that" she says suddenly. "Mal, you—". Her eyes meet mine, but she doesn't seem to able able to finish what she's saying.

"What?".

"N-Nevermind" she stutters. She suddenly stands up, still avoiding eye contact. "I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight". Before I can say anything else she leaves the room, leaving me behind to try and think of what she was about to say.

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**Thanks for reading! Please review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry if this chapter is messed up, I had it up but deleted it off fanfiction by accident. If you see any mistakes let me know, since I had to re-type the whole thing from memeory. **

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I stay where I am for a while, trying to think of what she was going to say. After a while, despite her warning, I walk back out and grab the newspaper from the balcony and sit back down. It's not surprising that she kept it from me, I would have panicked if I saw it before she explained.

'**FBI Agent Murders Detective; Still at Large'**

I skim through the article, and it's slightly comforting to see how misinformed these people are. They think I'm dead. And if they're wrong about that…then they must be wrong about other things too. After all, the article is very vague. There's really no explanation of what happened…that day. I search the page; but the only other thing I see is the woman's picture that the bottom. Below it is a caption.

'**Special Agent Natara Williams'**

A memory hits me with the force of a train, and without even really knowing what I'm doing I jump to my feet and drop the paper in shock.

_"I'm detective Mal Fallon" I say, introducing myself to the woman who stands before me._

_"Special Agent Natara Williams". She has a camera in her hands and several police officers stand around her._

_"Can I call you Nat?"_

_She frowns "You can call me Special Agent Williams"._

I try and hold onto that memory, but it's like trying to hold onto smoke with my bare hands. Already the details are trickling away, like where I was and what exactly Natara looked like that day. But I know something; a name.

"Mal?" I hear Natara call. She must not have gone to bed after all, and probably heard the dull thump as the newspaper hit the floor. "Is everything alright?".

As she enters the room my eyes lock on her, and she stares back at me strangely. "Nat?" is all I'm able to say.

She gasps, one hands flying to her mouth. Her eyes go wide, and a second later her face splits into her biggest smile yet. "You remember!" she cries, crossing the room and throwing her arms around me.

"Not much…just that" I say, hugging her back.

"But if you remember that" she says "who says you can't keep remembering things?".

She hugs me tighter. I know she's getting ahead of herself, but I can't just stomp out the little hope she has. Me getting my memories back is the only thing that can buy her freedom.

It suddenly hits me that I've done this before. Hugged her. Everything about this is familiar; the way her thin but strong arms wrap around my neck, her height, the scent of her shampoo. And with that brings another memory…almost. More like the ghost of one. The memory of a feeling I must have once had.

Mal Fallon loved this woman. And I do too, I love Natara with such a passion that even a bullet in my brain can't change that. It's the one thing that no one can take away. At least, no one can take it away from me. Natara obviously doesn't feel the same way. She's engaged to someone else. But if she was…why would she give all that up for me?

"Nat?" I say again. She pulls away. Her eyes lock on me, her hazel-browns meeting mine, still that alluring almond shape . "Why are you doing this?".

"I told you, you're my best friend. I don't know what I would do if I lost you". She lets go and her eyes drop to the carpet. There's something she's not telling me. I can see her bite her lip, shifting her weight nervously. "Also…that day…you saved my life".

For some reason, this doesn't come as a shock to me. Like somewhere deep down I always knew what I did. But still…I don't know how I saved her life. I don't know exactly what I did. "How? I mean…what happened that day?".

"You know that, you were were shot".

"But I don't know how".

She sighs. I don't blame her for withholding this information, since it must have been a horrible experience for her. But I need to know. We go over and sit down just like we did before; her on the couch, myself on the chair. She sighs again before she begins. "It was just supposed to be a regular old case" she says "this guy's wife disappeared, and we were supposed to take him in for questioning. We went to his house…but he made a run for it. We told him we just wanted to talk, but he kept running" she shakes her head "I was so stupid. I fired a warning shot…I was afraid he was going to try and fight his way out. But I think I scared him too much…and something snapped. He tried to get out from his basement, and we chased after him. I-I didn't realize he had a gun until we were about to be shot at point-blank range".

She pauses for a second. Her shoulders shake slightly, but her face remains the same. She does not cry, but I can tell by her face she's upset. "H-He told us to drop our guns and kick them over. It wouldn't have mattered if we did, he was going to shoot us anyway. I did what he said, I shouldn't have, but I did". She stops again, and I don't rush her. "But you wouldn't. He was going to shoot me…but you stepped in front. You told him he would have to shoot you first. I said something, I don't even know what anymore, and you turned your head for just a second. That's when he shot you".

"He used your gun" I say. She nods. "How did you survive after that?".

"I didn't do anything, he just left. I couldn't pursue him, since I had to stay with you, and later I realized that was his plan. He left me behind as a scapegoat. He had my gun, so there were no prints to prove I didn't do it. Everyone just figured I dumped it after I shot you. People started pointing fingers just after we found out about your condition, and I knew I had to make a run for it. After about a week in the hospital you were stable; and I contacted my father. He helped me get you out, and helped me get you the help you needed".

"But what was it that we were fighting about that morning?" I ask.

She glances at the clock "It's late…I'll explain in the morning". She yawns, and this time I don't think she's just acting tired. She actually looks like it.

I see movement in the corner of my eye and turn my head, where I can see a face in a part of the window that the curtain can't cover. I get up and walk closer, and the face doesn't move. It takes a minute to realize it's my reflection. I stare for a moment; trying to remember my own face. I'm only in my early thirties, with chocolate brown hair and surprisingly blue eyes. I turn around again, about to ask Natara how old I really am, but I see that she's fallen asleep. Her shoulders rise and fall gently as she breathes, but otherwise she's still. She's curled on her side, her face more serene than I can ever remember seeing it. I know I won't be able to wake her while she's like this, I don't want to destroy her peace.

I know it would be best to got to bed, but I don't want to. Part of me, probably the part that wanted to protect her from being shot, wants to stay behind and make sure she's safe. I want nothing more than to curl up next to her, to wrap my arms around her so I can feel her breathe. I want to sleep with her; but I mean that in the most literal and innocent sense of the phrase. Because that's really want I want to do, lie next to her as she sleeps. But she's engaged to another man and I'm the one who took that from her, she's breathtakingly beautiful while I have a bullet-wound on the back of my head, and she's incredibly intelligent while I can barely remember my own name. In addition to all that I lack the courage, and I end up leaving her alone and going back to bed. I don't sleep, my mind is too busy. Instead I sit on the end of the bed, my head in my hands, grieving for the loss of whatever life I left behind; mourning the death of Mal Fallon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for any confusion, I accidentally deleted chapter three (replaced it with this one) so now I have to re-write the whole thing :( So yes, I do know chapter 3 and 4 are the same.**

**Thanks so much to _My Quiet Riot, mozzi-girl _and _chocolate-licious _for the reviews! **

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At some point, during the night, I must have fallen asleep; because I wake up in the morning to the sound of Natara's voice. As quietly as I can, I get out of bed and head in the direction of the sound; curious about who she's taking to. As I open the door and make my way down the short hallway, I can see her; talking on a small cell phone. She doesn't see me, and I can hear her talking.

"Yeah…okay" she pauses, listing to whoever is on the other end of the line. "Yeah, we'll set out soon" another pause, a short one this time. "Okay, you too. Bye".

She hangs up, setting the phone on the counter. As she turn she sees me, giving me another one of her little smiles.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

Her smile falters a little. "How much of that did you hear?".

"Not much, just the part about is leaving".

Her smile returns "We're just moving to a hotel about an hour from here. I got a tip-off that someone might have reported seeing us…well, me, in the area". She nods to a point behind me. "Better pack".

Pack? What could I possibly have to pack? Not much really, I find out as I walk back into the room I came from. Other than the bed, nightstand, chair and the picture frame; the only other thing in the room is a small closet. As I open the door I can see a small duffel bag on the floor of it, one that's stuffed full. I drag it out and open it , finding that it's full of clothes. I quickly take out the first thing on top, a button-up shirt and pants, and change into it; putting the sweatpants and T-shirt I had been wearing back in the bag. The clothes fit perfectly, so much so I know they must have been taken from my home. I zip it up and sling it around my shoulder, and I almost walk out without the picture. I grab it quickly, noticing the spider-web of cracks that make their way across the front. Natara must have had it on the windowsill, until the wind-blown curtain knocked it down. I take a moment to study it, but it's hard to see faces past the cracked glass. I can make out Natara, a girl who looks similar to her who must be a sibling standing beside her. On the other side is a man that I think is me, wearing a rather tired smile that must have been normal for me. Behind him is a man and a woman who look like they could be Natara's parents; and judging by the red and green decor I can guess that it's Christmas. But if this is their Christmas family photo…why am I in it? Maybe Natara put it here for me to see when I wake up, so that maybe I will remember, but I don't. Why I'm in this photo is a mystery to me.

"Mal? Are you ready?" I hear Natara call. Without answering I stuff the photo in my bag, heading out to the living room.

It's the same as how I left it, not a single thing out of place. Natara has a large duffel bag over her shoulder, equally as stuffed as mine, and she does a double take as she sees me. "Well, now you look like Mal again" she says kindly. I don't say anything back; I'm too intent on figuring out why I would be with Natara's family for Christmas. Didn't I have my own family to go to? Maybe they didn't want me. Or maybe I didn't want them.

Natara grabs the cell phone and a key card from the table as we leave, and I'm still in a daze from thinking as she returns the key and checks us out. She leads me outside to a small car, one that's so plain-looking and indistinguishable that the model is a mystery to me. We both throw our things in the back, and she gets in the drivers side. I don't object to this, considering I don't even remember what type of car I used to drive.

She pulls out of the hotel parking lot and we set off, going who-know's where. The first few minutes tick by silently, and then I speak up.

"Natara…that photo that you knocked over that first day. Was that your family?".

She nods. Luckily she doesn't get too excited and assume I started remembering things again. "Yeah, why?".

"It's just…why was I with them at Christmas? Don't I have a family?".

She doesn't answer right away, and her knuckles turn white on the steering wheel as she grips it tightly. "It's…complicated".

"Didn't we get along?".

"No…it's not that. You have a sister, Cynthia, and two nieces. They live pretty far away, so you don't see them much".

"What about my parents?" I ask. I know they existed; I know that I knew them. But they're like faceless manikins to me, their faces blurred and forgotten.

"You're Dad…he's…in trouble".

"Trouble?".

"He's a…a criminal" she says. "On the run, he escaped from jail not long ago".

Normally, this would have come as a shock to me. But there's something she's not saying. And I know it's because my father isn't the worst news she has in store for me. "And my mother?" I ask.

"Mal…your mom is dead".

Those words are like an iron punch. There are no other words on earth that can have an affect on someone like those; because there really is no other person like a mom. Those are bone-crushingly painful words; the kind that tear people up inside. I want to ask how she died and when; but I can't seem to form the words. All I manage to choke out is "I-I want to go see her". Natara shoots me an odd look. "I mean, where she's buried".

Natara shakes her head, taking her eyes off the road to glance at me for a second. "Mal…we can't. It's too obvious that we might go there now. Besides; I don't even know where she's buried".

My heart sinks. So that's it, that's really all I have; which is pretty much no one. I don't really have anyone in this world anymore; just Natara. I don't speak for a while; I'm too numb to do anything. But after a while I seem to regain the ability of speach, and I ask softly "What was it that we were fighting over that morning? The day I was shot?".

Natara shakes her head "It was nothing, just bickering really. I was just a little nervous about getting married. You cracked some kinda joke, and it just ticked me off a little. It was just a little spat…but after you were shot it got blown way out of proportion. None of our friends heard it…it was just a couple officers that overheard it".

I nod, even though I know she can't see me. The rest of the trip passes in silence, as I'm still trying to take in everything she's told me. After maybe an hour she pulls into the parking lot of a other hotel. We grab our things, and Natara checks us in; paying for the room with a large amount of bills from her pocket. It must be from her father.

"Okay, I seriously want to know what I did for this guy" I say as we make out way down the hall.

Natara smiles. "Well, let me know when you find out; because I want to know too".

She uses another card key to let us in, and I find that this place is almost the same as the last. Only this time the walls are charcoal and the carpet is tan. Even the furniture is extremely similar. We've barely cleared the door when Natara's phone rings again, and I know it can't be good by the face that she makes. Shock, possibly mingled with a little fear. I grab the bag she's holding off her shoulder, since it takes her a minute to find it in her jacket pocket, and she gives me a rather forced smile as a thank-you.

"Hello?" she says as she answers. I had expected her to leave the room, or even tell me to leave; but she doesn't. I guess it really doesn't matter if I hear what she's saying; after all, I can't hear most if the conversation anyway.

"What?" she says suddenly. It may be my imagination; but I think her face has lost a little color. My heart skips a beat. If she's worried…then I defiantly will be. "No…how?" another pause, a long one. "Okay. No. No, I-I'm done". Even from here I can hear protests coming from the phone; and undeniably male voice. "It'll be fine. Trust me. Okay. Bye". There's another short pause. "Love you too. Tell Neha and Mom that I love them…just in case. Bye".

She hangs up. It doesn't take a genius to figure out it was her father who called. "They know we're here" she says calmly; too calmly.

"What? How?" I ask, slightly panicked. Sure, I would be okay, but what about her?

"Someone must have recognized us and reported it. I knew it'd happen eventually, my face is already all over the news". To my surprise, she sits down on a nearby sofa and looks out the curtains-less window. Her face is calm; accepting. It's even worse than if she were freaking out; because from this I know she's giving up.

"What are you doing?" I find myself practically shouting at her. I drop both bags on the floor. "We need to get out of here!".

She shakes her head, not moving from where she sits on the couch. "Mal…you have no idea how many times I've done this. Run away to another location; dragging a barely concious you who won't even remember the jorney in the morning. I-I can't do it anymore. There's no reason to".

"No reason to?" I ask, my voice rising "You'll get arrested; if not from attempted murder than kidnapping charges!".

"Mal, it's different from before. You're actually awake now; and I don't have to worry about you being helpless if our guy came after you. You remembered one thing…now you just have to find the rest" she says calmly, trying to look like this isn't a big deal. But it is; and I can tell that she knows this.

"But what about you?" I manage to say, even though I'm still trying to put together what's happening. "You'll get in trouble".

"I can't run forever, Mal" she responds. She's looking at me now, but every once in a while her eyes drift to the window. "It's going to be hard for a while. But once you get your memories back, they'll probably believe you once you explain everything. They certainly won't believe me. But once they hear your side, our stories will match up, and hopefully they'll realize that the end justifies the means. That I was trying to save you".

"But what if—" I stutter, my voice cracking mid-sentence "—What if I never get my memories back? What if they don't believe me?".

She seems to consider this for a second, then says "I believe in you, Mal. You can do this. I know you can".

Her eyes bore into me, so sharp and trusting I feel like she's looking at my very soul. What she says must be true, it has to be. I need to do this; no matter how crazy it sounds. Because she was my partner; and that's what we do. We watch each others backs, keep each other safe. Natara get up, crossing the room to me. She pulls something out of her pocket. It's small and black, similar to a wallet, and she takes my wrist and place it in my open palm. I open it and look down; it's a badge. She's with the FBI.

"Hold onto this" she says seriously "I have no idea what they'll tell you once they catch us. Defiantly that I tried to kill you, maybe even that I kidnapped you just to tell you otherwise. Just remember everything I've told you. Don't let them change your mind. Keep this as a reminder if that".

I don't say anything for a moment. I never even thought about not trusting her. I still believe her, since I know deep down I must have trusted her once. "I can't take this" I say, pushing it back at her. "You'll need this…with your job".

She gives me a rather sad smile, then says rather sarcastically "You really think I'm gonna get my job back after this?".

"I do".

I hold it out to her, but she doesn't take it. "It doesn't matter. This is just a loan…you have to give it back later". She gives me a serious look, and I know what she said isn't about giving her badge back. It's about me coming back for her. Before I can say anything else she crosses the room to the window, staring down at the ground below. I follow suit, and below I can see two squad cars in the parking lot. The sun is barely up, but they already have an idea of where we are. Or maybe not, maybe they're just checking this place out; looking for us.

"Should we turn ourselves in?" I ask, hoping that the answer won't be yes.

"That would probably be the easier way" she says, but I can tell she doesn't want to do it either. All this time, it was like we were stuck in this bubble, and no outside force could hurt us. But it's over now, and now I'll have to face reality. I look over at her, but she's still looking out the window. It's hard to believe that this could be the last time I ever see her. That everything I know, everything I've found out since I woke up, could be taken from me. Without looking at me, her lips barely move as she says quietly "Good luck".

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**Also, I did make a tumblr page for Cause of Death! I made a "Which cause of death character are you quiz", and if enough people like it I will make a better one (since this one is short and only has 4 results). I also make computer-made fan-art and will post blogs about the game! Here's the link (take out the spaces)**

butihavepromisestokeep7 .tumblr . com

**Thanks for reading! Please review?**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry if this chapter kinda sucks. I really struggle when it comes to writing for Kai, but I've had the idea for writing this part since the beginning and really wanted to stick with it. Review Relpies: **

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The whole morning seems to pass in a daze. I couldn't really say how I ended up on the steps to a large police station, or at what point Natara and I got separated. It all happened so fast…I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

All I know is that Natara is gone, taken away by another police car, and I'm all alone. The officers who took me here were shocked; which I guess is from the fact that I'm supposed to be dead. They ignored me the whole ride there; while I felt like a stupid child sitting in the back seat. Strangely enough, I had felt like I had done it before; stare at the road ahead from the back of a police car. But I know that it's impossible, I'm supposed to be a cop. Not a criminal.

The two officers didn't say a word as I got out and drove off immediately. Judging by the fact they were talking in hushed tones into their radio the whole time my guess is they aren't from around here; that this isn't their precinct. It's a good thing, since I hasn't recognized either of them.

I'm not really sure what's keeping me going as I walk up the stone steps, fear maybe. I have no idea what will be behind these doors. Maybe everyone at work hated me. Maybe they didn't even care I was gone.

I try and slip in conspicuously, but as soon as I enter every eye is on me. They must have been warned that I had been found. For a moment, nobody moves. Then a blonde woman steps forward, her mouth forming a perfect 'O' of disbelief.

"No way" she manages to choke out. She gapes at me for a second, before coming closer and giving an awkward sort of half-hug. "You're alive!".

I want to make some kind of sarcastic retort at this, but all that comes out is "Uh…who are you?".

Around us, the room seems to return to normal. Everyone goes back to what they were doing before, ignoring me and whoever this woman is.

"It's me. Blaise" she says, her smile still not wavering. I must have a puzzled look on my face, because then she adds "We've been friends since collage. You were my partner, a long time ago". She stares at me for a moment, seemingly expecting a reaction. "Not ringing any bells?" she asks. I shake my head. "Figured, they told us your memory's shot. I-I just didn't expect to see you alive again".

I don't say anything for a moment. I know this woman, Blaise, from somewhere. Her face is framilar, but I don't know from where. I wish Natara was here, she would be able to tell me. She would be able to explain anything. "Where did they take Natara?" I ask.

Blaise's face turns to one of concern, pity almost. "It doesn't matter. You can't see her now".

"Why not?".

"Mal…she tried to kill you" Blaise says seriously.

"No she didn't! She was trying to help me!".

"Help you? She put a bullet in your brain! I don't know what she told you while you were with you, but I can't think of any situation where that would help you!". She takes a deep breath after saying all of this, and I stare her down. How could she be so blind? "Look" she adds, her voice a little calmer this time "I don't want to believe Natara did this. I don't she's the kind of person who would. But there's too much evidence against her. The bullets we found…well…in you, matched her gun. And we've put away people for a lot less evidence than that before".

Anger boils inside me, and before she can say anything else I turn on heel and start to walk right out the door.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Blaise shouts after me.

"You don't believe Natara" I respond without looking back. "So I'll go find someone who does".

I push open the door a little too forcefully, acquiring a light jog as I bound down the steps. I'm not sure where I'm going, but anywhere's better than here. In my blind rage I keep the same pace all the way down the steps, plowing right into someone in the process. Whoever it is had a large box in their hands, and it goes flying across the sidewalk as it's contents are strewn about.

"Sorry!" I say loudly. I hadn't even seen him coming, I had been too concerned with getting away from here. I bend down and start picking up the contents of the box, plastic bags with various objects inside, but before I so much as return them to the box I hear a framilar voice.

"Mal?". I look over to see a man, dressed in an odd shirt and lab coat. His hair is long, glasses covering his face, with a large tattoo on his neck. He looks like someone who should be running a surf shop, not wearing a lab coat. "You're alive!".

"Obviously, you're talking to me, aren't you?" I respond sarcasticly. Something ablout this guy rubs me the wrong way, but I swear his voice is framilar.

"Dude! I though you were dead!" he exclaims. I throw most of the contents of the box back in, and he grabs the rest.

"Okay, no offense, but who the hell are you?" I ask somewhat angrily.

"Kai Kalaba. To use your words, I'm a 'lab geek'. I've known you for over a year" he explains, talking a mile a minute as he picks up his box. Good, it seems he already knows I don't remember anything. I won't have to explain it to him like I did Blaise. "So where's that _very_ special agent of yours?".

Ignoring the comment about Natara, I answer "I don't know. They arrested her".

"What? I mean, I know they suspected her, but enough to do that? She wouldn't go rogue like that! If she did, it would be totally bad-ass, but she wouldn't—".

"Wait" I stop him. He falls silent. "You don't think she did it?".

"No way! She's not like that!".

"Thank God" I sigh. Finally, someone who will listen to reason! "Look, do you know what exactly happened that day? Have any evidence or anything?".

"It's still being processed; I can't get it now". My heart sinks. I was so close! Looking at evidence from my case, no matter how small it is, could have helped jog my memory! "But I can take you to where it happened!" Kai offers possibly a little too enthusiastically.

"Really? You know where it is?" I ask exitedly. That's even better! If that doesn't bring something back…then nothing will!

"Yeah, we can go right now! It's not far from here!" he responds exitedly. "Let me just put this stuff inside first!".

Before I can say anything else he runs inside, returning a moment later with a cup of coffee in his hand. He takes a sip, but already I can tell it's the last thing he needs.

"Oh, hell no" I say as I snatch the cup out of his hands. Before he can protest I walk down the remaining stone steps and toss it in the trash. He stares at me for a second, and I add "Well? You said you know where it is. Lead the way".

After ten minutes of walking I'm glad I took his coffee away. His walk is the speed of a sprint, and it's apparent that the coffee he had when he came out wasn't his first for today. I barely manage to keep up with him as he walks; mainly due to the fact that the sidewalks are filled with people going to work. But I slip through the crowds fairly easily, as if I've been doing so my whole life. I can hear Kai talking quickly as we walk; but I can't hear him over the sound of the crowd. Even if I could, I doubt that I would want to.

Eventually the streets become desolate as we make our way to a part of town that holds a small community, lines of brick houses that are nearly identical creating one big street. I just hope Kai knows which one to go to. He seems to, because he confidently leads me to the left side of the street. But before he even says it, I know which house we're going to. The one just ahead of us, with the blue door. I don't know how I know, I just know. When we get close I stop, staring at the bright sapphire blue of the door. I've been here before; I know it.

_It's hot. Too hot. The sun bares down on us, making me squint to see Natara as it reflects off a shiny black car. I slam my door shut as I mount the sidewalk, Natara following close behind._

_"This is almost too easy. What happened to all those criminal masterminds we used to take down?" I say, smiling despite the heat._

_"Who knows; makes our lives easier. Maybe we're just getting too good at our jobs" Natara says. I glance back at her and she returns the smile. She's right; this does make everything easier._

_"They just don't make killers like they used to" I remark sarcasticly "Seriously though; it would be nice to get some action every once in a while". I pause for a second. "Which house is it again?". _

_"Number 209" he points ahead of us "The one with the blue door". _

"Hey! Earth to Maligator!". I blink, the scene of Natara at my side disolving. Kai's hand is in front of my face, and he keeps waving it in front of my eyes. I slap his wrist out from in front of me, walking right past him to the house. There are a few scraps of crime-scene tape left behind on the door, but most if it has already fluttered away. Luckily the door opens for me, since clearly no one bothered to lock it. Without looking back at Kai I step in, my eyes immediately drawn to the nearby steps. Natara said I was shot in the basement. It's as good a spot as any to start. I climb down and the first thing I see is a dark red, almost black, spot on the once pale carpet. It takes me a moment to make the connection that this is my blood, that this must be exactly where I fell when the bullet entered my brain, and my stomach beings to churn. When I reach the bottom of the steps I kneel down, looking at it closer. The scent of blood is long gone, but the stain is as dark and permanent as it must have been the day it was made. It was here that Natara stayed with me, probably panicked as she called an ambulance. It was her that I tried to protect her…and in a way failed.

I hear Kai's footsteps on the stairs, and I know that he's coming up behind me even before I hear his voice. "No way!" he exclaims "Is that where—". At first I think he means the spot on the carpet, until I feel a sharp pain on the back of my head where I was shot. Red flashes in my vision, and I jump to my feet with my hand over the back of my head. I hear a faint thump as something falls out of my pocket, but don't bother to look down right away.

"What is wrong with you?" I shout in pain, which is quickly subsiding. "Why would you poke me—".

I stop when I see what I dropped. It's Natara's badge, it must had fallen to the carpet and opened when it hit the ground. There's a little yellow piece of paper sticking out of the top, tucked under the panel her ID is stuck in. Carefully, I reach in and pull it out, revealing two small peices of paper; both with neat writing crammed on them. The one on top is a yellow sticky note, and written across in someone's tidy scrawl are the words:

'_Don't forget'._

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	6. Chapter 6

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Stopping in mid-sentence, I ignore Kai and pull the sticky note off of the other paper. Cramped writing is on the back of the thick paper, which appears to be a post card. I have to squint to read it, since it's written so small, but I manage to make it out.

_Mal,_

_If you're reading this, then it means they've come for us. By this point I'm probably in a jail cell, and you're probably off trying to figure out who you are. No matter what, don't forget this place. If you don't remember it, find someone to tell you where it is. Go there, because if this place doesn't help, I don't know what will. Visit me if you can when you're done there, if they'll let you. If not…then please keep trying. Don't give up; I know you came do this._

_—Natara_

I flip the card over, and a fairly pretty sunset meets my eyes. The post card is rather tourist-y, with '_San Francisco' _written across the top in colorful letters. It's a picture of a beach, a small building partially out of sight in the corner. On the water I can see a familiar building, one that's so famous anyone would recognize it. Alcatraz island. But there's got to be hundreds of beaches where you can see the prison; so which one does Natara want me to go to?

"Kai" I snap, cutting him off. He was still taking, maybe apologizing for poking me a moment ago, but I don't really care. He shuts up immediately. "Do you know where is this?".

I shove the post card over to him, and he takes it with one hand, but don't let go of it. "Yeah, that building's Rip Van Winkles, you and Dead-Agent-Walking used to go there all the time. It's not far from here".

Before he can say anything else I rip the card out of his hand, quickly walking right past him and up the stairs. I'm leaving him behind; partially because this is something I want to do alone, partially because his nicknames for Natara are starting to piss me off. Especially the last one. They wouldn't even think about giving Natara the death sentence…would they? They could do it to make an example out of her; and I'm pretty sure cop-killers don't make it long in prison anyways. Wait…what am I thinking? Natara's innocent; she'll be let go. She's not going to prison; not if I can help it.

"Wait! Where are you going? Is it something I said?" Kai calls after me. But I'm already half-way through the front door before I hear his footsteps on the stairs; and I slam the door behind me. There, now my only issue is figuring out how to get there. Something tells me to keep going down the street, and seeing as I have nothing else to go by, I follow this instinct. After a while I end up in an expensive-looking neighborhood; one that's on a cliffside overlooking a beach. All the houses here are new and well taken care of, every single one intimidatingly large. I keep heading down the street, and after almost twenty minutes of walking I'm almost ready to give up. The sky is darkening; threatening rain. But I keep going, for some reason convinced this is the right way to go.

I smell the sea before I see it. The scent of salt and moisture. My pace quickens, and the houses slowly fade into hotels and gift shops. And then I see it, the same building as in the picture. I rush forward, walking on the deck of the building to where I can see the ocean. I hold up the post card to compare, looking across the water. This is it! I can see Alcatraz; even where the sun would normally set. I know this place. I know I've been here, that this place has some meaning. But I can't figure out what, it's like a puzzle piece that won't fit. Is this all there is; just those fleeting memories? Just these moments so elusive I can barely hold onto them? Is this all I'll ever get back? It's not fair! I can't say for certain that I don't deserve this, but I know for a fact that Natara doesn't.

"Dammit!" I tell in frustration, not even caring if anyone is around to hear. I slam my fist on the railing, startling a nearby seagull enough the make it leave. It starts to rain lightly, and I take the nearby steps down to the sand. I don't even care that it gets in my shoes, or that it's raining. There has to be more!

"Is this it?" I yell out the the ocean, mainly just to get rid of some of this frustration.

"You know, if you keep taking to yourself like that, people will think you're crazy".

I whip around. The blonde woman, Blaise I think her name is, stands on the deck. How long has she been standing there? "What are you doing here?" I ask her angrily.

She shakes her head "I know you lost your memory, but you should know it's not safe to go near the water while it's storming. It's pretty much common sense".

"It's not storming yet".

"But it will be soon".

There's a long pause, and I make my way back up the wooden steps. "What are you doing here, Blaise?".

"Kai called and said I'd find you here. You're not exactly very good at being conspicuous anymore. I figured It wouldn't be smart to let you run around on your own". She pauses for a moment. "I'm sorry for before. I should have listened to you. Natara…she wouldn't do that".

I stare at her. Is she saying what I think she's saying? "You believe me?".

"Was I really not obvious enough?".

I smile, I could hug her. But she speaks again before I can even utter a word of thanks. "Now let's go see that partner of yours. You're not really suposed to see her…but I'm sure I can get you in".

I nod, because I don't think any words of thanks could ever be enough. She doesn't seem entirely convinced yet…but it's a start.

"Come on" she says "I'll give you a ride".

She leads me back out to the streets where her car is parked. I climb in, and neither of us say anything the whole ride there. She doesn't have anything to say to me, and the same goes for me. After a while we pull up to a rather large building, and she leads me to through the front door. I wait a few minutes while she talks to someone at a desk, and eventually she looks over to me and nods to the door on the other side of the room. I walk over and go through, entering into a rather large room. There's desks lined up against a wall, glass showing the same thing on the other side. And, sitting on the other side in prison-orange, is Natara. I rush over, not even bothering to sit down before I whisper through the tiny holes in the glass.

"Are you okay?".

She nods, but there's something different about her. She doesn't meet my gaze, and she can't even manage to put up her usual rather-forced smile.

"Did something happen?" I ask her, sitting down.

"I-I just had another visitor" she says quietly. As if knowing I can see how upset she seems, she tilts her head up a little; making herself seem proud. With this, I know who came to see her.

"It was your fiancé…wasn't it?".

She nods, clearing her throat quietly. "He didn't believe me".

This time it's me who drops their gaze. What am I supposed to say? It's my own stupid fault I got shot. If I hadn't looked away for that one second, this would have never happened. Sure, it would hurt to see her marry someone else. But I love her, and I want to see her happy. And if happiness for her came from somebody else…then so be it.

"I'm not going to let them do this" I say. I look up to see her giving me a rather odd look. "I'm not going to let them make you a murderer. I'll do whatever it takes".

"I don't think there's much more you can do. They want my trial to just be over with…I'll be in court by tomorrow".

"They can't do that!"

"They can, and they are".

"So teach me what happened yesterday!" I suggest "I'll just have to remember everything you told me, and tomorrow—" I stop when I see her shaking her head.

"We can't do that Mal. Lying in court is illegal. Besides, it's too risky. If either of us make one little mistake then we're done".

"So that's it then" I say angrily "You're just giving up?".

"What am I supposed to do?" she says "In case you haven't noticed, I can't exactly go sightseeing with you right now!". She takes a moment to compose herself, taking a deep breath. "I'm not giving up. You can do this, I know you can".

For a second, her eyes meet mine. She's trying to be strong, but I can tell she's at the end of her rope. But her greif gives her a strange sort of beauty; something I can't even describe.

"Nat…". Her looks up at me, her eyes locked on mine. This may be my only chance to tell her that I love her. Maybe it's too soon, since by now her previous relationship is probably broken beyond repair, but better too soon than to late. "Nat, I—".

"Don't" she says quietly. Her eyes drop to the desk, as if there's something there that's so interesting she can't take her eyes off of it. "Don't say anything you wouldn't say…if you weren't afraid this is the last time we could see each other". There's a moments pause, but it seems to last an eternity. "Maybe you should just go home" she finally says. "I'll talk to you in the morning…if I can".

I try and give her a reassuring smile as I go, but she still doesn't look at me, so I just leave. Blaise is waiting for me just outside, and thankfully she doesn't ask any questions as we leave. By the time we get outside the sky is stained pink with evening, but I can't see the sun because it's raining harder than ever. Before I can even say anything Blaise offers to drive me home, seeing as I don't really know where home is, and I accept with a nod. Like before, the ride there is silent. I guess there really isn't anything to say to someone who doesn't even know themselves.

She pulls up to a large apartment building, grabbing a key from the dashboard and handing it to me. "None of us really had the heart to move any of your stuff out" she says as I take them. "I guess we all secretly believed you would come back".

Luckily, the apartment number is written on a little wooden keychain on the key, so I don't have to ask her where the room is. Without another word I open the door and get out, walking as quickly as I can through the rain. I don't look back as I push through the front doors, and after a few minutes of searching the halls I find the right number. I go in right away, taking a minute to find the light switch.

It's an average-looking apartment. Across the room I can see a coat hung up, a gun in a holster next to it. I don't know how much of this I can take. Just like everywhere else I've been, I know I've been here. I'm sick of it! I'm sick of my whole life being like a word on the tip of my tongue that I can't recall. I just can't do this anymore.

Kicking off my wet and sandy shoes, walk over the the small coffee table in the center of the room, setting down Natara's post card.

That's when I hear the sound of fabric rustling. I whip around, but all I see the the barrel of a gun in my face.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks so much to _mozzi-girl _and _BreezyFan _for the reviews! **

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In shock, I stagger back, but by some miracle as I do my hand flies up and swats the gun away. Whoever's holding it doesn't exactly drop it, but rather fumbles for a moment, and I use that time to get as far away as possible. I scramble back, managing to get myself to the opposite wall before the gun's trained on me again. I desperately glance over to where my own gun is, hoping I can somehow grab it in time, but all I see is an empty holster.

I look over at the intruder. I can see now it's a man, his face concealed by a ski mask. "Don't move" he says quietly, but his words hold so much force that he might as well be yelling. Why doesn't he just shoot me now; get it over with?

I can see from here where my cell phone is. All the way on the other end of the room, it sits on a counter, charging. I must have left it behind the day I was shot, which would have been lucky, had I run to that end of the room instead. Now it's just useless.

"Well?" I say as the hooded figure does nothing. "What are you waiting for?". Even though he's wearing a mask, I can almost feel him grin. He steps forward, coming just a little bit closer. "What, can't hit a target unless it's point-blank range?" I snap tauntingly. If I'm going to die, I might as well go down fighting in whatever way I can.

"Stupid pig" he says. "If you had any sense you would have locked your gun away as soon as you got home. Your little friends already made that mistake once, and they'll do it again. One head shot from this, and it'll look like you committed suicide. I'm sure no one will be surprised…who can live not even being able to remember themselves?". He takes another step forward, and as he does I inch down the wall a little; preparing to run. If he wants it to make sure it looks like I took my own life, he'll have to shoot me at an incredibly close range. I'll just have to make sure he never gets that close.

"And you know what's even worse?" he teases, coming a little closer. "That little girlfriend of yours will always think you left her behind; that your took the cowards way out. She'll go her whole life hating you; but don't worry. She won't be alive for very long. I hear prison's hard on cop-killers".

Without even realizing it, I turn myself not to run away, but to attack. As soon as the man takes another step closer I dash towards him, grabbing his gun-hand and trying to wrestle it out of his grasp. He's strong, but I manage to force his fingers to release and the gun goes skittering across the floor; landing somewhere under the couch. In anger, the man forces all of his weight on me, sending us both tumbling to the ground. His hands wrap around my throat, pushing down on my windpipe and causing me to gasp for air. I grap his wrists, trying to force his hands off of me, but it's no use. I can barely manage to lessen his grip enough to even get a little air. But either way, I'll win. If he kills me like this it'll be obvious that I was murdered. Then maybe Natara can go free. I can see it now, her walking out into the bright sunlight. That fiancé of her's, a total stranger to me, waiting for her.

"That poor little friend of yours" the man taunts. He pushes down harder, making it all the much harder to breathe. "She just found our you're alive. Too bad she'll be saying goodbye again before she knows it. And that other little friend of yours, Amy". Red creeps into my vision, but the man still doesn't let up. "Oh, you don't remember her, do you? But she'll know you're alive by now. Such a shame. Right after she lost that boyfriend of hers too. What was his name again? Ken?".

Ken. That name rings in my skull like a never-ending scream. I know him. And I know he was murdered, killed in cold blood. That name stirs something inside of me, something that's not ready to give up. I push back, harder than ever before. The man's hands falter just the slightest bit, just enough for me to make a quick gasp of air, before he bears down on me again. But that one breath of air reminds me that I can't give up, that I can't leave Natara or Blaise or even this Amy person behind. I shove back, managing to lift my head up and almost shove the man off of me. But he slams my head down, hard. The spot where I was shot erupts with pain, a thousand times worse then when Kai poked me. Color splashes across my vision, an odd ringing filling my ears. The room around me feels like it's slipping away, and for the briefest moment I close my eyes to try and get a hold of myself.

_It's dark, and I can't move. At my side is a woman, her eyes wide and tearful. I can tell she's trying not to cry, and I would say something to her, but I don't know how. My head hurts so bad, I can feel it throbbing to the beat of my heart._

_"Please" I hear her whisper "Please remember". But that's the one thing I can't seem to do. Remember. I want to, more than anything. I want to know who this woman is, and why she's here. But I can't seem to string words together, even in my mind. So I just sit there, like a mute, unable to offer her any words of comfort as tears stream down her face._

I open my eyes, returning to reality. To my surprise I've been subconsciously fighting still, pushing back harder than ever. I hold onto the memory of that woman, the one I now know is Natara, making it my reminder of why I'm not giving up. But with that other memories come too, connecting with the first like a paper chain. I can remember meeting Natara, her eyes sharp with annoyance as I call her 'Nat'. I can remember standing on a rooftop, her in a formal dress, as we lean on the edge and eat Chinese food. I can remember her laughs and smiles, the way she would frown upon going against protocol and how she could get inside people's minds and make them talk. But I can remember other things too. I can remember her grief and frustration, the way seeing her like that made me feel like there was a splinter in my heart. I can remember her telling me she was afraid she could never be loved, and that she could never love back. And I can remember wanting nothing more than to tell her she's wrong. To tell her she can be loved, that there's nothing wrong with her, because I love her. And I remember telling her that, all of it. Right to her face.

_"In her darkest, loneliest hours, she worries that she's the kind of person that can't be loved…the kind of person who can't be loved back. She's been hurt and she's afraid she'll never really be able to trust another person ever again. She's the bravest person I've ever met…But the one thing she's afraid if is that she's too damaged to ever really be happy"._

For the first time, I look right into the eyes of my attacker. Right into the eyes of the man who's trying so hard to end my life. It's him who should be afraid he can't be loved; and I feel sorry for him. For someone to have to much hatred, so much darkness in them to drive them to kill another human being…it would almost be a blessing for him to lose his memory like I did.

With a sudden spurt of strength I push up, shoving the man off of me and sending him flying back. I quickly reach up and grab his collar, shoving his down to the ground. His head smacks against the edge of the coffee table on the way down, knocking him out cold. I scramble to my feet, ignoring my pounding heart and erratic breathing as I grab my phone as quickly as I can. Before I even use it I turn the man over, grabbing his arms and roughly wrenching them behind his back. I put all my weight on him, using one hand to hold his arms down should he wake up. With my other hand I begin to type a familiar number. I could always use speed-dial, but I want to type in the number I have memorized, simply because I can.

Before the other person can even say hello, I say quickly "Hey, Blaise…I've kinda got a situation here. How far away are you?". My voice is different from before, even I can tell. It's certainly not as timid, but there's something else. I guess it just sounds more like the voice I had before, the voice that I can remember as my own.

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**Please review? **


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks so much to _mozzi-girl_ and _BreezyFan_ for the reviews!**

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"So why did he do it?" I ask Blaise as I look at the figure behind the glass. Luckily, Blaise wasn't too far away by the time I called her. We had my attacker down at the station within the hour, or at least, that's how long it felt like. My mind was still racing the entire time, trying to put together everything I can remember. What comes back is out of order and doesn't make much sense; but it's something. Now all I have to do is fit the pieces back together.

"We're still looking for his wife, and he's refusing to tell us what happened to her" she says plainly. She doesn't know I started remembering things; I haven't told her yet. No one really knows, it's not like it's necessary. The gun is enough evidence. And I want to tell Natara first, since she's the only reason I'm even here right now. If she had left me alone in the hospital I would have been a goner. "Whatever it was, he was probably already on-edge by the time you two showed up. You just pushed him to his breaking point. When he framed Natara and tried to kill you, he was just—"

"—Covering up his tracks" I finish for her, and she nods. We had found Natara's gun on my attacker already, and it was covered in his prints. All I could do now was hope that it would be enough to prove Natara's innocence. "Any idea where Natara is?".

"Nope. They've probably already released her, but there's a good chance she already went home. I don't blame her; you two were on your little road trip for over three weeks".

I look through the glass at the figure sitting in the interrogation room. He's sitting at the table, slightly hunched over. "I'm gonna go find her". I say before heading for the door.

Just before I exit I look back. Blaise gives me and odd look, and calls after me "Wait! You don't even know where—". The rest is cut off when the door slams behind me. It's already getting dark, but I know these streets like the back of my hand. It's hard to believe only two hours before I didn't even know my own middle name. How could I possibly forget all of this? How could I forget Natara, Blaise, Kai or any of the others?

I manage to get to Natara's apartment before night falls, and I can't help but be happy that I actually found it. Not that I thought I wouldn't. How many mornings had I spent driving over here to pick her up? How many times had I dropped her off after work, both of us eager to be reminded that not everyone is out to kill us?

As I reach her door I knock sharply several times, hoping that she's here. For a moment there's no answer, and I'm about to leave, until the door flies open. Natara doesn't even look at me before she opens her mouth to say something, but she must have been expecting someone else, because she stops herself when she realizes it's me. Her hair is damp, like she had taken a shower not long ago. Her hand is resting on the door, and I notice the absence of a certain engagement ring. She scrunches her nose in confusion when she sees me, and she says "Mal, how did you find—". She stops in mid-sentence, realization appearing on her face. "You remember?" she asks softly.

I nod, and just like that day where I remembered her nickname, her face lights up the most genuine smile I've seen in a long time. And, just like before, her deep brown eyes light up and she wraps her arms around my neck. I hug her back, and even through everything we've been through, I still know that I love her. And I realize, I can't wait any longer to tell her how I feel. If there's anything I've leaned from all of this, it's that you can never wait to tell someone that you love them. Because if you wait, they could be taken from you in the blink of an eye. After that it's over; and no matter how loud you scream for them they'll never hear you. And so I did it. Before I can lose my nerve, or realize what I'm doing could be the stupidest thing ever, I whisper those three life-changing words into her ear. There's a long pause, a moment where the room seems to absorb my words. But then she says it back, and I find that I don't care anymore. I don't care how odd we look; me with my bruised neck and bullet-scar, her with her tired-eyes and damp hair. I don't care if people stare, or if it's frowned upon when people at work find out. Right now, I just think it's a miracle that we survived everything that we did.

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**The end.**


	9. epilogue

**So I know I marked this as complete, but since a lot of you did ask for an epilogue I figured I would do it. So thanks to everyone who suggested it, and thank to _mozzi-girl, Dralynn, BreezyFan, My Quiet Riot, Guest _and_ gummybear1622 _for reviewing! **

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About a week after Natara's release I walk into the station with her. Things are finally returning to normal, or about as normal as it'll ever be. While the precinct seems to settle down, there's still the matter of what happened to Natara and I. It turns out that the day I went to Natara's apartment just after her release, she was expecting Oscar when she opened the door. Apparently she had been talking to him not long before, as he wanted to apologize for not believing her. But she broke it off, and I don't blame her; concidering it showed that he didn't trust her enough to help her. As for me, I'm completely together yet. While most of my memories came back, there are still some things that are foggy or don't make much sense. Most of it is of the last few days before I was shot, so I doubt those things will ever come back.

We go to my desk straight away, since right now there isn't much to do. But before we do my cell phone goes off, and Natara looks at me quizzically. Since the precict is rather noisy I slip back outside, leaving Natara behind as I do. There's no caller ID, but I pick it up anyways, curious as to who it could be.

"Hello?". There's no responce, but I can hear someone breathing on the other line. Just when I'm about to hang up I hear a voice.

"Mal?".

I know that voice, and although I haven't heard it in a long time, I still recognize it.

"Amy?".

There's a long and awkward pause, and I wait for Amy to speak first. Last time she called me it was about something important, and while it didn't end well, at least she told me about it. "I heard what happened" she says awkwardly. "Are you two alright?".

"I'm fine" I answer "And so is Natara".

Another pause, this one longer than the last. "I heard what you did, how you saved Natara. You could have died".

"It's not a big deal. We're cops, we risk our lives every day" I respond. But I know what she's getting at. Ken died protecting her, and I was willing to do the same for Natara. If I had died, she would have probably called Natara; since she would understand her. But I'm here, and I was willing to do the same thing for Natara that Ken had done for her. It's understandable that she wanted to talk to me.

"That's different. Risking your life is one thing, but when you stepped in front of Natara you knew you were going to die". I can hear her take a deep breath, a sigh maybe. "What was it like?".

"What was what like?".

"To just…be ready to die. To know it's coming, and to let it happen".

I don't answer right away; I don't really know how to put it. All I can really think of was that it was easy, that it's not hard to die. And it's not hard, when you have no time to really think about it, to accept it. That in those few precious seconds I had to accept it, I was free to live. I didn't have to care about what was coming tomorrow, or any time after that. I didn't care about anything, accept for the person who stood behind me. And although I don't remember that day well, I don't think it even hurt after the trigger was pulled.

"You don't really have time to think about it" is all I say, unable to really put all my thoughts into words.

Another long pause. "I'm coming back".

"What?".

"I'm coming back".

"What about Brimstone?" I ask, keeping my voice down despite the fact no one else is loitering outside the station. "And Anders?".

"I just…miss it. All of it. The way things used to be. Besides—" It sounds strange, but it's almost as if I can hear her smile as she says "Kai's probably suffered trying to figure out all the programs on those computers. Anders will probably let me back, considering I'm the only one who knows how to use it". There's something she's not saying, and I know what it is. She's coming back because of what I did. I'm practically a symbol of survival, proof that life goes on no matter what happens. Natara and I had been throgh hell and back those three weeks, and of we can get through that, then she can get through whatever she's going through too.

"I don't regret what I did" I say after a long pause "And I don't think Ken does either".

She doesn't say anything right away, but eventually she says "I should go".

"Alright. I'll tell Natara you called".

I'm about to hang up when she adds quietly "Mal?".

"What?".

"Thanks".

"For what?" I ask, but instead of a responce, she hangs up. I don't move for a second, almost expecting her answer me. Then I put my phone back in my pocket and head inside.

"Who was that?" Natara asks me as I come back in.

"I'll explain later" I answer. She gives me a other odd look, and I can't help but smile. I love the face she makes when she's confused, which I don't often see. To be honest, I love any face that she makes. Because being with her isn't like being with anyone else. There isn't that feeling of butterflies in my stomach, the kind of love that was common in high school. Because that feeling comes more from anxiety and nervousness than anything else, and that's not here. I'm comfortable with her, the kind of calm love that's rarely seen anymore. But I guess it comes from the fact that we have a bond. The special kind that came from dozens of life-threatening situation, sticking together through thick and thin, and trusting each other with anything. And if this isn't love…then I don't know what is.


End file.
